MARCH 2, 2012

2;00 am

Dear Natdem,

Im writing this down because i cant sleep thinking about things this morning. I took you to the airport because you have to go to manila for your masteral. I am so proud of you. I feel like the luckiest guy alive to be with you. As i walk towards the exit of the airport, passing along people along that steep slope to climb my foot heading towards the huge gray metal gates, I began feeling so small against the world, and people, cars, and their lives starting the day. I thought about my own self and im the poorest man without you. I feel ashamed of myself as I have literally nothing but dole-outs and my little savings with me. I think about schooling and my friends who have passed the bar, and i felt confused and lost that after you were gone i asked myself loudly , "what now?". I have no idea where to go, not only about getting home and where to get a jeep, but also with my life. I stand in the corner of the road and I resolve my predicament. I looked back at myself and realized that I have nothing to be complaining about but only to be grateful  Im so thankful that you love me so much. Your love is so strong that even just by looking at your eyes, the soul in me is calmed. By the nearness of you my worries disappear. By your smile I am willing to live a miserable life. Natdem, today as I write this down I have  nothing in my life but you. Thank you for loving me. For seeing the good in me when I even hate how i have become. I may not be the best person in the world for you. I may not even become a lawyer or a successful person. I may have not own a thing or become somebody. My dreams would not even become real. I may have even failed the most things in my life. But its okay, I am fine because i have you. You are my greatest accomplishment. You are my dream that has come true. I could say tonight that i have loved living my life only because you have been in it. Thank you and im sorry for the imperfections and shortness of myself. I love you.

Albert

Dear albert,

As I woke up this morning, I thought of you and paused for a while. It came to my mind that today is our monthsarry but I can hardly remember if how many months we've together now. All I know was that we celebrated our 4th anniversary last May. It's funny to think that even though we've been together for 4 years now, we are still celebrating our relationship by months. Just like now, i cannot remember and it makes me so tired to count the months. Hehehe. Anyway, happy monthsarry sweetiepie andnim still hoping that one day, we will be together not just for 4 years and 3 months but for eternity.

Aside from our monthsary, I also would like to greet you a happy birthday. You're already 28 years old. Just a cuople of years, you will be in your 30s. You're getting old. Hehehe. I'm grateful that even if we are getting older, you're love for me is still the same. I 'm so happy that you are loving me regardless of the things that happened in the past and regardless of my imperfections.

I want you to know that I love you so much and I want you to be happy always. I'll do anything just for you to feel good about yourself. I hope you can borrow my eyes so you will see how perfect you are. I hope you will not anymore feel bad about yourself, your illnesses, your imperfections, and your failures. You are great and awesome. Nobody is perfect but you are made perfect for me.

I am glad that you stood by me all throughout my masters years. You are editing my work and coaching me what to do, what to think, how to do it, and how to think. Many people are thinking that I am smart but they did not know that behind this smart girl, there is you. I cannot imagine how my papers would look like without you. Both of us know that I am not good in writing and grammar. I owe my success to you. I just hope that I can land on a better job after this masters degree. I am so grateful for loving me still despite the distance that separates us. Thank you for being so patient at times when I am being so cruel.

Words cannot express my gratitude to you for loving me this big. I love you too so much. I cannot wait to see you. I'll give you my birthday and monthsary gift when you get here nextweek. See you soon sweetiepie. Iloveyou.

Dear Natdem,

I cannot compute how long have we been together in months. We have been together for a long time now and been through almost anything in life. Despite of the ups and downs we managed to keep ourselves together.

Today marks my 28th birthday and I cannot imagine how fast the time passes by. I still remember the first day I saw you. I was only 23 and was still adjusting to normal life. I have never gone out with a girl in my entire life that it made that moment memorable than anything else. When I first saw you, my heart followed you like a man who follows the pathway the way to his home. Our beginning wasnt perfect, but was neither immaterial. For have those things never happened, I may have never truly valued what we have today.

I remember everything we have been through as if I had a second life and it started with you. I remember how brave you were in difficult times. I remember how strong and hardworking you are to reach the desires of your heart. I have seen you progress into an even wonderful smart woman in more ways than I could imagine. I am proud of you, and all the things you have achieved.

Thank you Natdem for loving me when I myself find it impossible to do. Thank you for understanding me, and still choosing me despite of my health problems and incompetencies. I am not an ideal boyfriend and my weaknesses bring insecurity nearby. I am grateful for your love because it has allowed me comfort and assurance to make these sufferings worthwhile. I am a lucky man to be your boyfriend. I only ask you to allow my entire lifetime to pay you in return.

I love you . Happy Monthsary.
Albert

April 17, 2012

Dear Albert,

It's been almost 48 months since we started this relationship. I'm so happy knowing you for this long. You always have me at my best and worst times. I'm so thankful and forever grateful for knowing you. I read your email and I'm so touched by the words you said. I posted your email message here. Hehehe. And this is a reply regarding that message.

I want you to know that I don't care about our broken dreams and promises. Whether it will come true or not, you are still the one that I love, to whom I will spend the rest of my life and eternity with. I want you to know that even if you fail your law school a million times, I will still be here for you and even if you spend the rest of your 20's in law school, I will still be here for you. I will even wait for another decade of your 30's until such time, the perfect time will come for us to get married.

I told you already that quantity of years spent is useless, it is how we spent it. I'm grateful that we spent 4 years of our lives together, overcoming such trials and downfalls. This is not just the only time we will fail or fall, this is just the first. I want you to know that even if you fall a million times, I will be here for you. Although I cannot afford to catch you because your weight outweighs mine, I will be waiting in the ground lending my hand for you to be able to get up. I will always be here for you, sweetiepie.

Don't worry about our goals and dreams. Being with you and seeing you are already "dreams come true." The happiness I feel every time we're together is the one true goal I been waiting all my life. I am so grateful that for every challenges we faced for the last 48 months, our love grew stronger. I believe that for this trial we are facing today, for this kind of uncertainty of what tomorrow can bring for the both us, is just a consequence that we need to face in order for us to be strong.

Don't lose hope sweetiepie. Our Heavenly Father has molded you into a man that He wants you to be. Just have trust in Him and abide in Him. I know He never left us and He will never leave us. Don't think that life is unfair. He has given much. For me, this relationship alone that we have for 48 months is too much to ask. Just be happy with what you have. Things always happen for a reason. We can overcome this one.

No matter what happen to our tomorrow, my love for you will never falter. It will grow and grow as if I have loved just yesterday. My energy will never stutter, I am always hopeful in achieving our goals and dreams. For me, there are no broken dreams and promises. We just have so little time but so much things to do. Don't worry and don't be weary. If this trial will alter our dreams and goals and will change our lives, I am willing to start with you all over again as long as you are with me, hopeful for tomorrow.

Albert, you are such a wonderful person. I am thankful each and every day for having you in my life in a span of 48 months now. And I'll still be thankful and grateful each and every day even for the next 48 months of my life whether you are already a lawyer at that time or still a law student and whether you are already my husband that time or still my boyfriend. Nothing will change. I love you very much and I am certain that for the next 48 months, no matter what the circumstances are, I will still love you more and more.

I love you, Albert...

Natdem

April 16, 2012

Dear Natdem,

Its 1:43 am Monday and i cant put myself to sleep. Today or a few hours later I will begin to tackle one of the hardest points of my life. This setback has been the hardest for me and i literally cry in depression of the failure i have come to be. I dont know what will happen to me today or the next few days, but one thing is for sure whatever happens later will alter the course of my life significantly. But for now i want to tell you how i feel about us.

Each night as i struggle to bed, I would always remember the first time i heard your voice. You called me and you were having your graduation party off samal. I remember your voice laughing and another lady voice which i would later know to be josel. I would remember looking at your pics at friendster one by one clicking through the graduation pics taken to some pics you took from home. I would remember the first time i held your hands, the first meal we ate together, the first kiss you gave me. Everything with you is first for me, still today there are first things for me with you too. You are my first , my one and only. Nothing has preceded or followed you. I remember how simple our lives were going through the day, dreaming of things, and promising of things. It has been four years that have passed and i hate to say it that some of our dreams did not come true.

I may have failed some of my wishes and desires. I have failed you in so many ways and those things made you upset. But theres one thing i can assure you of, that tonight as i wrote this letter I have always loved you and will always love you. I may have nothing today, and i dont know what ill have tomorow. But I will not hesitate to give you my strength , my time, my effort, and my heart. As flimsy as they sound, they are the only things that I have with me. Im sorry. I love you Natdem and everything about you. I would not have my life any other way. I have realized that because i have lived so much in the future and so eager to live my goals, that four years have passed by through me quickly and i have taken for granted other important things.

I love you so much. Its not because that i have less feelings for you that i do not write anymore, but because I think i have already used up all words to explain and express what i feel for you. Time has been so quick and we are together now for so very long, yet i feel like i have known you yesterday and havent had enough of you. I love you i always will be here for you.

Albert