February 7, 2016

Dear Albert,

I am writing you this letter to express my anger, dismay, grief,  and disappointment. Today, marks the day that I have come to realize that we are not meant for each other. The fight we had a while ago was different from the previous misunderstandings we had the past years. I am sorry if I failed you. I am sorry if I wasnt able to turn to someone you like and love most. I am sorry if I am impatient, too sensitive, pointless, stubborn, and selfish girl I have become. And I guess our feelings are mutual. I realized that I just wasted my whole 8 years of life spending it with you. I know that you feel the same too.

A while ago, while we are fighting, I realized and learned a lot of things that pushed me to decide not to be with you anymore. I want you to know how much I hate you and how much I hate myself for not seeing these signs earlier so I could have spent my 8 years with the right one and not with you.

I wish I could enumerate all the things I hated about you. But enumerating all those things will never change any. So, I am writing you this letter to bid farewell to all the things and time we wasted together. You and I both know that being together was the biggest mistake we ever did to our lives. I just hope you find the one you are really looking for. And as for me, I think there is no one prepared out there for me. I am a bad and hard to understand kind of person that anyone could wish they haven't met me.  Maybe there is something wrong with me that others cannot understand. But if there is really that someone prepared for me, I just hope that I will meet him the soonest time possible so I could be happy and contented. So we cannot hurt each other's feelings.

You are a good person inside and out. You are so easy to love. I know you can find someone who will love you much more than I can give. I think we are not just compatible with each other. I believe that there is always that someone perfect for you. And its not me. Maybe we wasted 8 years but those 8 years of memories are full of lessons to look back on. I hope we helped each other grow.

I wish you success in all your endeavors. I am praying for all your heart's desires to be granted. I will pray for your good health and happiness. May you always be a blessing to everyone. May you never lose hope in finding that special one for you. I am so sorry I can't be her.

I will miss you but if we will be together, we will always be like this. I think it is wiser to put an end in this relationship. May we both become happy on the different roads we will take.

Good bye Albert. I am sorry for everything. I cannot make it anymore. I know you feel the same way too.


Sincerely,

Natdem

November 10, 2015

Dear Natdem,

Happy Monthsary! I love you!

I have lost count of how many months we have been together. I have lost count on the number days we are in this relationship. I have even somehow forgotten that yesterday was our monthsary. Although I have stopped counting, or I have not remembered particular days, one thing remains constant, that I have not stopped loving you and be deeply grateful for the love you have reciprocated.

I am so sorry that I cannot give you any gift for this monthsary. I am so sorry that I have been a burden to you physically, emotionally, spiritually, and even financially. I am sorry that you have to pay for our dates, and even for my bus ticket home. I am sorry that in spite of this,  I sometimes make you feel unappreciated and neglected. I am sorry that I throw words at you of which you are most undeserving.

 I am sorry because I have not kept my promise to you when we were younger. I did not do my part. I know that my promise was to become a lawyer so that you never have to go abroad. I am sorry that because of me, your dreams , plans, and ambitions are put to the side. I am sorry that I have pushed them away, and while you settle in a work you hardly like , I have never heard anything from you against me.

But please do not ever think that I have forgotten them. Never for one second consider that what you have given me today in my nothingness will become a stupor of thought. I will remember them. I will always remember your love for me. And in the coming days whether I rise or fall, I will always be grateful that I have you and I will never regret everything that has happened to me because of you.

They say that God hears and answers our prayers. Id like to think that whatever trials we or I have today, that they have a purpose in the end. That all will work out soon for the good. I know that I have been battling them for almost a decade now, and to be honest I am very weary.My life is in a mess right now. I am lost, and all of my plans were destroyed. 

 But I do not lose hope to dream a hindsight later on, because while my pleas to the heavens seem abandoned at this moment, I must never forget that once upon a time that I have an answered prayer too, because Natdem I know that deep in my heart that God gave me you.

I love you sweetiepie and sorry sa tanan,

Albert

September 9, 2015

Aug. 9, 2015

Dear Sweetiepie,

I just would like to use this medium to express the feelings I have right now.

Today, I feel so discouraged with my life. I feel that I have made a wrong decision to stay in this company or in this job. The work itself is fine and the workloads I have are also bearable. However, I have this strange feeling that this might not the work for me. I feel so stagnant and not growing in any way. I didn't have any recognition of the things I have done right which makes me think that I am doing everything wrong. It seems that I am not perfectly fit in this field. It also makes me wonder why I need to experienced a lot of insults, hardships, and struggles during the process of getting this job. And even if I already have this job, I felt so discouraged because I think I am bot doing well anymore and Im not being productive. Maybe I am already exhausted with the things I am doing right now. I wanted to escape but I cannot. I need a job. I need this. I dont know how to be productive in this field. Why people are receiving such good recognitions with this job while I cannot have one. Im not being competitive. I just want to do my job well.

On the other hand, sweetiepie, as usual, you are still my one and only strength that keeps me going. Every adjustments that I have, every major decisions that I make, you are always with me. You are always my hero. When I am with you, I feel so happy that I can totally forget all the deadlines. And I want to experience that feeling again and again.

More than 7 years had passed yet I still cant get enough of you. All the long long time spent together are still not enough. I guess the need for us to be together forever is increasing. (Hehehe) I want you to know that I feel so good and great when Im with you. And I want to be in that feeling everyday. I want you to know, sweetiepie, that you are always the reason I survive. You are the reason for both of my eyes to open every morning. You are the reason why I am strong and can conquer all the insults, struggles, and trials thrown upon me. You are the only energy I have in the middle of this tiredness. You are the only recognition I have in the middle of disappointments and failures. I may not be a survivor in the workfield I have now at least I tried to be one because of you.

It is also clear to me that you have more feelings of disappointments than me. I know that you always hit the bottom rock of your life but I am so proud of you for trying to be the best. I want you to know that I am always be proud of you no matter what. I see all your struggles and trials and I also see all your efforts and good desires. I am praying that someday, God will grant all the desires of our hearts in his own perfect time. And I assure you that I am always here with you waiting for that perfect time. You are indeed an inspiration to me. You are my love. With you, my life begins.

I love you very much sweetiepie. I am missing you every day. I know we can survive the trials we have right now. I know, someday, our sun will shine.... :-) Happy monthsarry sweetiepie. Happy 88 months together.



Positively hoping,

Natdem