September 9, 2015

Aug. 9, 2015

Dear Sweetiepie,

I just would like to use this medium to express the feelings I have right now.

Today, I feel so discouraged with my life. I feel that I have made a wrong decision to stay in this company or in this job. The work itself is fine and the workloads I have are also bearable. However, I have this strange feeling that this might not the work for me. I feel so stagnant and not growing in any way. I didn't have any recognition of the things I have done right which makes me think that I am doing everything wrong. It seems that I am not perfectly fit in this field. It also makes me wonder why I need to experienced a lot of insults, hardships, and struggles during the process of getting this job. And even if I already have this job, I felt so discouraged because I think I am bot doing well anymore and Im not being productive. Maybe I am already exhausted with the things I am doing right now. I wanted to escape but I cannot. I need a job. I need this. I dont know how to be productive in this field. Why people are receiving such good recognitions with this job while I cannot have one. Im not being competitive. I just want to do my job well.

On the other hand, sweetiepie, as usual, you are still my one and only strength that keeps me going. Every adjustments that I have, every major decisions that I make, you are always with me. You are always my hero. When I am with you, I feel so happy that I can totally forget all the deadlines. And I want to experience that feeling again and again.

More than 7 years had passed yet I still cant get enough of you. All the long long time spent together are still not enough. I guess the need for us to be together forever is increasing. (Hehehe) I want you to know that I feel so good and great when Im with you. And I want to be in that feeling everyday. I want you to know, sweetiepie, that you are always the reason I survive. You are the reason for both of my eyes to open every morning. You are the reason why I am strong and can conquer all the insults, struggles, and trials thrown upon me. You are the only energy I have in the middle of this tiredness. You are the only recognition I have in the middle of disappointments and failures. I may not be a survivor in the workfield I have now at least I tried to be one because of you.

It is also clear to me that you have more feelings of disappointments than me. I know that you always hit the bottom rock of your life but I am so proud of you for trying to be the best. I want you to know that I am always be proud of you no matter what. I see all your struggles and trials and I also see all your efforts and good desires. I am praying that someday, God will grant all the desires of our hearts in his own perfect time. And I assure you that I am always here with you waiting for that perfect time. You are indeed an inspiration to me. You are my love. With you, my life begins.

I love you very much sweetiepie. I am missing you every day. I know we can survive the trials we have right now. I know, someday, our sun will shine.... :-) Happy monthsarry sweetiepie. Happy 88 months together.



Positively hoping,

Natdem