Im writing you this letter Natdem because I could not express this by voice or by text, and because right now you are sleeping soundly away from me and im nursing a very bad ear-headache. Last week after five years i was finally able to walk again the very same roads i used to walk in my mission. I went to Baguio and to Rosario and passed by my old mission memories. The only difference this time is I am not a missionary and I was with you. Before my flight to Manila my thoughts were anxious with how i would feel when i get there. Would i be as excited and happy as i would be in my dreams and longing to go back there? Would i be able neglect you that you are around when ill be there with Bryan? Will i be happier to see my mission again than seeing you?
Im glad that even before i even stepped on a bus to go to baguio that these questions were answered. When I got off the plane and i could not get a signal, i was so worried that you will get lost. I was so worried where you might have been and i could not imagine you being lost in a big city where i could not even have a single clue myself where i am. When finally i saw you, my heart was broken to see you so pale, losing weight,, with chaffed lips. I was so worried and glad to see you that i could not even be happy seeing bryan. all i wanted to do that time was to hug you and cry my eyes because i finally understood that the reason why I was there was nothing but to see you. When we left you at your boarding house, and we took the ride to bryan;s home all i can ever think of is you. how i loved you, how i missed you, how i felt like it was way back before that i would cry when you leave me at ecoland terminal to go to digos. even when i was about to sleep i still think about you. I woke up so early and travel alone just to see you the following day. Being with you alone is the best feeling in the world, and it doesnt matter where we are in it.
When we travelled to baguio, and you were beside me, i have finally realized something. Something that i should have overcome a long time ago. That my mission was real and it was long over. I used to have this feeling that my mission was like a dream , that baguio or manila, or the areas and the people were just dreams and arent true. Because it felt that way, i was made to believe that going back to those places is impossible. But then because of you, you made it real. And now i can finally connect the dots, and understand that there is nothing waiting for me in baguio, and that there is no place for me there anymore and that i have to stop dreaming about it. Its the same place, and its the very same spots, but because you are with me, finally the dream isnt that exciting anymore. Its like the same feeling i get when i go to bankerohan. It meant nothing to me anymore. What means everything to me is the smile that is on your face and seeing you beside me.
Natdem, i missed your mouth i missed your hands, the scent of your hair, the shape of your lips, the feel of your skin, the sound of your voice. During those times, all that mattered was you. Not my areas, not my mission, not everything there. I finally understood that in order to be happy, its not the place that matters, but the person you are with that time. I was happy because you were there. I am happy because i am with you. Im a very lucky guy because i have you. Take you away, and i have a miserably life to live.
When the day came when you took me to the airport, i controlled myself all of my strength to keep my emotions. But seeing you, and knowing that you are so far away from me gets the best of me. I love you Natdem, I loved you, i will love you, and i always will be loving you. I cannot wait till you graduate from your masters .
I have so many feelings i want to express now, but i cant put them into words. Now that I have overcome a part of my life, another dream remains. The dream of you. the dream that someday i will always see you everyday of my life. The dream to have my kids with you. the dream to build us a home, the dream to see and enter the temple together, the dream to take care of you always, the dream to love you eternally, the dream to grow old together, the dream to marry you. Thank you Natdem for making my life beautiful, and for making me realize that dreams sometimes come true, because once upon a time more than 3 years ago, you were only just my dream as well.
i love you sweetiepie, thank you so much,
albert.
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