November

I can’t believe that it’s almost a year since I have been home. It doesn’t feel that way, and its just surreal how time is so insignificant today. We have so much things to do, yet we have so little time to do them. I remember this day back in Baguio, it was cold and gloomy just like any normal day there. I literally spent the whole day on the phone taking care of sick people. One guy was having hemorrhoids, and another lady was having weird back pains. I couldn’t stop thinking about home. It was as if home is a weird word, its like I would never reach to the point of getting there. Yet, I had so many plans in my thoughts, so many expectations, so many ambitions, and so many dreams to materialize them.
And then I went home. Nothing that I have ever planned, or did I ever even think of came true. My expectations were all wrong, and I could not understand it even though I have believed I have lowered them to the extreme. Hehe
I watched a talk just the other week. The guy who spoke told about life changing decisions. I never thought that by one single choice your whole life can turn around. Its like choosing two unknown roads, and you’re at the crosspoint. If you take left, you know that it would be a smooth walk down to where you’re going, but you take the bumpy, hard right just because it makes you happy. And then you start thinking what makes you really happy? Are you happy when you’re rested? Are you happy because you’re comfortable? Or would that kind of happiness ever make you a better person. I remember the words of the speaker during the talk I mentioned above as he quoted a Chinese maxim. He said, " a gem would never shine without friction". I pondered over those words, and they mean something to me.
Im grateful for all my trials and problems. Along the way I will be getting more Im sure, maybe some of them will be life changing too. But for whatever its worth, I know that when we get over those problems, we become better persons inch by inch. When we make mistakes, we learn a lesson the very hard way, but we still live to learn that lesson.
I had my own life changing decision. I think that’s the only decision that I ever did that I really decided it by my own. I’m grateful that I have decided to be with her. The roads maybe bumpy and the walk is sometimes hard. But because of all those friction, I have learned that love goes beyond what is comfortable. Love goes beyond not only when were happy, or rich, or clean, or beautiful or when were smiling. Love is also hard, and painful, tiring, full of tears, heartbreaking, and poor. The best thing I think that ive learned from this decision, is that I love her more when she is ugly, or when were poor, or when everything is hard around us, than when everything is well.
My life has changed since last year, she has changed my life and I could never repay her for the happiness she brings to me. It occurred to me that maybe I didn’t fail with my plans, just as she has been unexpected, maybe I will get more unexpected plans. As much as God has given her to me, maybe God will give me a better path to walk.
I wouldn’t be afraid to walk no matter how hard the road He is going to give me , as long as I am walking it with her.