03march2008

i talked to my mom about it. Theres no way im fit for the job. I just couldnt handle it. People are older than i am , and im having a hard time trying to fit in their shoes, since i am not married. I dont even have any kid of my own, and i have only the smallest clue on what world theyre living on. Until I am satisfied she agrees with me, i convinced myself to finally tell what i have say.And then i went to church, i sat in the priesthood class. And just by sitting there I received the answer. And the answer is no. I cant quit. I cant leave them, even it looks so surreal sometimes that i can even handle it. I just had that good feeling. And for the longest time, i have felt the spirit again.I had finally got the upgrade of the bike. Its the bike now- a difference from what i thought was my bike.Man, i think it was a waste of money. I think i just lifted it for like a half inch, and its not even noticable. Crap.Two good things happened today though. Although i have starved my breakfast and lunch away for that goldarn motor, when i got home boy bawang is in the house with his mom! The second good thing is his mom cooked carbonara. Someday i must marry someone who knows how to cook it!freak im tired.

I had a tiny dispute with my kauban a day ago. I was entertaining the thought that if i cant find a good lds woman to settle with, i might as well go for someone else. I could almost insinuate him as condemning me for saying that , and he said that i have lost my mind. TOld me that i dont know what real love is. And i just didnt say anything. I thought about it a lot when he said that. On one point he is correct, true love is eternal. You cant be with someone eternally if you cant have the ordinances. You cant do that if you settle with someone random. But is that rather self-serving? I know Im treading on askewed boundaries if i say this. But are they not also children of God? My parents are converts, and they have led me and my siblings to be who they are now. Do we just love because we get as much utility as we could? If she is not with me, then i will make her with me. And if she cant or wont be with me, then i guess shell suffer. And ill suffer with her. I think its not love when theres no suffering. Even if its eternal.