Natdem,

if you read this and come across this once in your life, this is the night you said you dont want me anymore. This is the time where i have ended living. I am sorry for all the things i have done against you, and though you are right that however i ask for forgiveness you will never forgive me. You have the right to do that. I will not force you to forgive me. I want to tell you honestly at this point in time that i need you so much, and if only you are here i need your arms and your love. How can i ever explain to you everything? i guess there is no way to do it. Tonight i stopped living, because i i dont want to go through a life which is pointless. FOr the past two years you are my north star which has kept me in a direction i needed to go. Without you this life is unlivable. Tonight i stopped dreaming as well. Dreaming of a good life, dreaming of ever having a good life. I guess this is a cruel world after all and im right all along. I stopped believing in things, for what use is believing when they never happen at all. Tonight i will stop loving, because all of my life and love ends in you as much as it has started with you. I dont think i can ever love someone when i have already given them all away. This is not your fault. theres noone to blame but myself. You have been there for me, and im just stupid to let it go away. Yes you were right about your previous letter that we had so much trouble last 2009, and im a very weak person. I survived through that because of you. GOd knows its all because of you. I love you, and i will love you forever. My love for you will go through eternities even without the blessings of GOd, even in a spoiled grave my love will always resound above the rotten grounds. I am not sure if i have lived a good life, or if was ever a good son, or a good friend. I cannot say that i am without fault. But theres one thing that i am very sure of. That my love for you was pure, even from the start. for if it was not pure, then it could have shattered even from the start. I love you natdem. I have always told you that you will be my first and my last, and i will prove it to you. Im so happy when were together, im glad that your voice will forever echo in my ears. I wish you all the best in life,you deserve the best, and oh god if only i can give it all to you i would. I love you, I love you so much. I love you, i love you i love you.

albert