Dear natdem,

Im writing this down before i complete lose the feeling that i have, and i want you to know these things just as if it is happening right now , even if its not that same when you read them. Our emotions can never be trusted, they change from time to time , almost often than not, and it affects greatly how we would react, decide,and perceive things. But for all its worth, there is only one feeling that has never changed or would never change regardless of the many things that would happen to me or my life. And that is the feeling that i love you. I love you now, as i loved you before , and you can take shelter on the words that i assure you that even if i am gone ill still have the same affinity to you, or maybe that word is relatively unreliable to explain what i feel.

The past days have been so hard on me. And sometimes even if i try so hard, it gets parts of me if not the better ones. I am sorry. I am sorry for the many things that i have done you. For failing you so countless of times, and i have not been trustworthy on some important occassions. Im sorry for leaning on you when i am down, i couldnt help it sometimes. But you should know, that when the time comes that ill run to you for help, that is when i have gone a million miles to solve it by myself. I dont demand of you to be a listening ear, or someone to hear my weaknesses or problems. I dont want you to be hassled because i dont want you to be troubled. If there are times when i do this, i am sorry.

Im sorry if i destroyed your life ,your dreams and even your friends. I know its my fault. If i would have acted otherwise, then everything will still be the same, and you wouldnt have to lose anything but gain everything. I dont know how to fix it. I used to know the solution for everything before, but i dont know anymore. I thought you were happy with me, but its turning out that you are beginning to be miserable.

The past year already i have not been myself. The person you knew when you first met me, that was me. That was when i used to be strong, hopeful, and upright. The albert that you hate right now, is the person who has gone to so many trials, and problems, and adversities, that the only strength i can gather is from you. If i have a choice i would have had met you when all of this problems are through. Right now, I feel like a broken ship, waiting to be tossed by waves and winds until my planks and faculties drown to sea, and the only one whos fixing me enough to keep me bouyant is you.

I am not the perfect man for you. I am not even close to him.YOu deserve someone better. Someone who can share your dreams and your life and there would be no tangles. Someone who will father your children and have good healthy genes. someone who can provide for them and for your needs as well as you parents. I would love to be that person, but i am not him right now. All i can do right now is to work hard to reach that person so i can be him. I tried so hard, and even compromise things just to do 2 things at a time, but i cannot. I am not the perfect man for you, as much as you were never the dream girl that i longed for, nor that person that i have always imagined my partner to be. You turned out to be someone whos not even her, but i dont care, because its you that i want. I dont care if youre not perfect, or do things i have hated, i dont care ,i want you. I love you anyway.

I love you natdem, i would not know what i would do or what i will be if i dont have you today or tomorrow. I could lie and say that i could not live without you. I can live without you, but i dont want to live that life. I want you, noone else, and nothing more. Sometimes i dont write you anymore not because that i dont wanna write you, but im running out of things to tell you, and ways to tell you how much i love you. I love you, that even i have to spend the last energy that i have to live, i will not hesitate to spend that one for you.

im sorry,

albert