Natdem,

if you read this and come across this once in your life, this is the night you said you dont want me anymore. This is the time where i have ended living. I am sorry for all the things i have done against you, and though you are right that however i ask for forgiveness you will never forgive me. You have the right to do that. I will not force you to forgive me. I want to tell you honestly at this point in time that i need you so much, and if only you are here i need your arms and your love. How can i ever explain to you everything? i guess there is no way to do it. Tonight i stopped living, because i i dont want to go through a life which is pointless. FOr the past two years you are my north star which has kept me in a direction i needed to go. Without you this life is unlivable. Tonight i stopped dreaming as well. Dreaming of a good life, dreaming of ever having a good life. I guess this is a cruel world after all and im right all along. I stopped believing in things, for what use is believing when they never happen at all. Tonight i will stop loving, because all of my life and love ends in you as much as it has started with you. I dont think i can ever love someone when i have already given them all away. This is not your fault. theres noone to blame but myself. You have been there for me, and im just stupid to let it go away. Yes you were right about your previous letter that we had so much trouble last 2009, and im a very weak person. I survived through that because of you. GOd knows its all because of you. I love you, and i will love you forever. My love for you will go through eternities even without the blessings of GOd, even in a spoiled grave my love will always resound above the rotten grounds. I am not sure if i have lived a good life, or if was ever a good son, or a good friend. I cannot say that i am without fault. But theres one thing that i am very sure of. That my love for you was pure, even from the start. for if it was not pure, then it could have shattered even from the start. I love you natdem. I have always told you that you will be my first and my last, and i will prove it to you. Im so happy when were together, im glad that your voice will forever echo in my ears. I wish you all the best in life,you deserve the best, and oh god if only i can give it all to you i would. I love you, I love you so much. I love you, i love you i love you.

albert

This is my first post for this year. I've been so blessed and happy because we've conquered problems and trials together during 2009. That year was a blast and we've been through a lot of tribulations and our relationship was tested so hard. I'm happy coz we're still together welcoming 2010.

This year's first quarter is almost over. But again, trials, misunderstandings, depression, insecurities, and angry disputations are still unwashed. However, I'm still grateful and I know that he really loves me very much more than anything or pleasures in this world. My love also has been tested and I'm very sure that I love him too as much as he loves me or even more than he loves me. Until now, I still don't know how to repay Heavenly Father for giving me such a wonderful and beautiful person.

A lot have changed also as this year begins. We cannot call each other anymore as much as we wanted because we have different schedules. I have my own work now and eventually after my work, is the time he'll go to his law school and this is the number one cause of arguments due to lacking communications. However, we're still working to adapt each busy schedules.

I know that our relationship is on its perils to fall and sometimes I wanna cry thinking how my life is losing if i lost him. I keep on praying that may this trials become a strength to us and not to become our downfall. I'm hoping that we will be guided in our way to be together eternally. I love him so much and I keep on falling in love with him more and more each day even if we seldom see each other. And even if we only have so little time to spend together, it seems that I already spent my whole life with him. And now I'm preparing to spend my eternity with him. I love you Albert. You are my life.

Natdem

Dear natdem,

Im writing this down before i complete lose the feeling that i have, and i want you to know these things just as if it is happening right now , even if its not that same when you read them. Our emotions can never be trusted, they change from time to time , almost often than not, and it affects greatly how we would react, decide,and perceive things. But for all its worth, there is only one feeling that has never changed or would never change regardless of the many things that would happen to me or my life. And that is the feeling that i love you. I love you now, as i loved you before , and you can take shelter on the words that i assure you that even if i am gone ill still have the same affinity to you, or maybe that word is relatively unreliable to explain what i feel.

The past days have been so hard on me. And sometimes even if i try so hard, it gets parts of me if not the better ones. I am sorry. I am sorry for the many things that i have done you. For failing you so countless of times, and i have not been trustworthy on some important occassions. Im sorry for leaning on you when i am down, i couldnt help it sometimes. But you should know, that when the time comes that ill run to you for help, that is when i have gone a million miles to solve it by myself. I dont demand of you to be a listening ear, or someone to hear my weaknesses or problems. I dont want you to be hassled because i dont want you to be troubled. If there are times when i do this, i am sorry.

Im sorry if i destroyed your life ,your dreams and even your friends. I know its my fault. If i would have acted otherwise, then everything will still be the same, and you wouldnt have to lose anything but gain everything. I dont know how to fix it. I used to know the solution for everything before, but i dont know anymore. I thought you were happy with me, but its turning out that you are beginning to be miserable.

The past year already i have not been myself. The person you knew when you first met me, that was me. That was when i used to be strong, hopeful, and upright. The albert that you hate right now, is the person who has gone to so many trials, and problems, and adversities, that the only strength i can gather is from you. If i have a choice i would have had met you when all of this problems are through. Right now, I feel like a broken ship, waiting to be tossed by waves and winds until my planks and faculties drown to sea, and the only one whos fixing me enough to keep me bouyant is you.

I am not the perfect man for you. I am not even close to him.YOu deserve someone better. Someone who can share your dreams and your life and there would be no tangles. Someone who will father your children and have good healthy genes. someone who can provide for them and for your needs as well as you parents. I would love to be that person, but i am not him right now. All i can do right now is to work hard to reach that person so i can be him. I tried so hard, and even compromise things just to do 2 things at a time, but i cannot. I am not the perfect man for you, as much as you were never the dream girl that i longed for, nor that person that i have always imagined my partner to be. You turned out to be someone whos not even her, but i dont care, because its you that i want. I dont care if youre not perfect, or do things i have hated, i dont care ,i want you. I love you anyway.

I love you natdem, i would not know what i would do or what i will be if i dont have you today or tomorrow. I could lie and say that i could not live without you. I can live without you, but i dont want to live that life. I want you, noone else, and nothing more. Sometimes i dont write you anymore not because that i dont wanna write you, but im running out of things to tell you, and ways to tell you how much i love you. I love you, that even i have to spend the last energy that i have to live, i will not hesitate to spend that one for you.

im sorry,

albert